Remember a while back when I was lifting weights and one of my arms couldn't take it anymore while my other kept going strong? I don't recall if I mentioned how much pain I was in the day after or how that pain has not stopped since. We're maybe a month and a half in on this one, and it's still bothering me. It hurts the worst when I try to pick something up with that hand. I've been icing it and putting Icyhot on it and gobbling aspirin. Nothing helps much except icing it, and that only works for a half an hour.
My doctor sent me to a specialist. He said that she only works on upper extremities. Only right arms. I suspected he was fucking with me a bit on that one, and he glanced over to see if I bought it. "That last part is a joke," he said. "That's the way specialists are. Like an eye doctor who only works on left eyes."
Anyway, I got the referral and saw the specialist. After less than two minutes of examining me she came to the conclusion that I have . . . wait. This is a pretty good joke. I'm maybe the least athletic person you know. I don't play sports. Hell, I don't even watch sports. OK, I played baseball when I was a kid, but I only did that because I thought that was what people expected of me.
But tennis? Fuck that. The only time I've ever played tennis was when I was forced to for a week in PE in high school.
So here I am, almost forty-three years old, and I have tennis elbow. Fucking tennis elbow!
I'd heard of it before. I thought it was kind of a silly thing to get. Boy, was I wrong. This fucking thing hurts like hell. Not too long ago I found myself in a position where I needed a morphine shot, and it didn't even touch the pain in my elbow.
So yeah, it's a cosmic joke, but it's a pretty painful one. The specialist told me to come back in a month if it doesn't go away. I even wear this brace around my elbow, which helps but not significantly. I think I'll be going back sooner. And I'll be demanding better drugs. I got this shit at immediate care that claimed to be an opioid, but it did not help in the slightest. Once again I find myself in need of Vicodin. The last time I went down this path it led to heroin. I still maintain that was not a mistake. It's a wonder drug that has been dragged down into the mud. All the same, I'd rather not go that far down this path again. It would be nice to go a day without nearly screaming because I accidentally hit my bad elbow. Or I tried to pick something up. Or I simply didn't do anything and it hurt like hell anyway.
Just one day. That's all I ask.
Fuck.
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