Those of you who have known me the longest know that I can't cook for shit. I have--no kidding--fucked up making cereal at least a half-dozen times in my life. I have set three kitchens on fire (so far). I couldn't even microwave something.
I really don't know what it is, but I recently decided to change that. I think there might have been a block in my mind, but I figured out a way to unblock it about, eh, three or four months back. That's a story for another day. But I put all my effort into learning how to cook, and guess what.
It turns out I'm good at it. Not great. Good. At least, as far as I'm concerned. I'm only cooking for myself, and I make some damn tasty food.
I started simple with soup and rice. I graduated to spaghetti and other pasta. I learned how to use the microwave. I learned how to make eggs. Then I moved on to that great McDonald's breakfast sandwich that has been discontinued: the Egg White Delight. That's a great hunk of food right there, and I was able to replicate it perfectly.
(And no, I didn't make Canadian bacon to go with it. I do not like Canadian bacon, I do not like it, whatever rhymes with Canadian bacon.)
I moved on to tacos, which are very good provided I eat them right away. I decided to recreate that great Taco Bell food item that was discontinued: the Beefy Quesarito, and goddammit, I knocked that one out of the park. I make 'em big enough to feed a family of four for a week. It's what I made tonight.
Yeah, I know. This probably isn't very impressive to most, but before this I couldn't toast a Pop Tart. I think I'm moving on to meat balls soon, and I plan to use every sexual innuendo possible while doing so. Same for bacon. Real bacon, I mean.
In related news, I'm blowing up in size yet again. Mostly because I'm high every night instead of drunk. The muchies is a real thing. People say that I can't get fat from eating gummies, but they don't think about me shoving all the food I can down my gullet in order to make the crave go away.
So yeah, I should probably stop that. Maybe.
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