Sunday, July 27, 2014


Before I continue with this one, I want to make it perfectly clear: I used to work in a library. In fact, I worked at one for almost 10 years. I know a lot of things about how libraries are run, but there's one thing I just don't get.

The three-day grace period.

Why three days? I tried to look it up, but no one ever talks about the library grace period. It's always about credit card payments and storage and other shit.

The only thing I can think of is this: Jesus was dead for three days. Could I possibly be right? What if Jesus had been dead longer?

What if . . . what if he didn't get to return his overdue scrolls when he came back? He was too busy with St. Peter over the whole denying-me-three-times thing. Ascension is a very time-consuming thing.

I hope he does come back soon. I'd be cool with a 2,000-year grace period.

What?! Having to pay overdue fines sucks. *sigh* All right, I'm going to bed. Goodnight, fuckers.

You still with me? Do you want to know what working at a library was REALLY like? DM me your address on Facebook or Twitter or email me at, and I'll send you the first two issues of TABARD INN for free. Inside, you'll find my old Tales from the Library column. You will never look at the library the same way.

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