NIC CAGE: 59

 It's been one year since you said, "Nic Cage can smooch!"

It's been nine years since you were Left Behind.

It's been twelve years since your last ghost ride.

It's been twelve years since you threatened to drink beer out of that dude's skull and then did it.

59, Big Daddy.

Remember, fourteen years ago, when you snorted heroin thinking it was cocaine?

Remember, sixteen years ago, when you graced the silver screen as Fu Manchu?

Remember, seventeen years ago, the horrible incident with the bees?

Remember, nineteen years ago, how you were our National Treasure?

59, Big Daddy.

Whether you're screaming about beating someone until they're pissing blood

or listening to Brian Cox tell you to avoid the deus ex machina

or sacrificing yourself for a Navajo windtalker

or simply bringing out the dead

it's 59, Big Daddy.

From snuff films

to angels

to Alcatraz

to being a Secret Service agent,

Whether you're leaving Las Vegas or honeymooning there,

or whether you're hanging in Red Rock West

or you're busy raising Arizona,

Please stay wild at heart.

It's been fifty-nine years since your debut on earth.

Happy birthday, Nic Cage!