GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #635: WATCH

 

So this Facebook memory showed up recently, and it didn't make me think about how much I used to drink. I have enough of those reminders around me at all times. It did make me think about how I used to wear a watch, and how I decided that I never would again. It's kind of silly, actually, wearing a watch. I know it's back in style, and the watches everyone wears now have a purpose deeper than telling time, but I'm just not going to go back to that.

It's kind of stupid that I ever did wear a watch. The world is full of clocks, and during my lifetime it always has been. Ah jeez, what time is it? Let me look at the wall in any room of my house or at work or at the store or wherever. Or the bottom corner of my computer screen. Or my night table. And if I wanted to get really crazy about it, there used to be a phone service you could call to get the time. (I just Googled it, and it's still a thing. Holy shit.) Yet I wore a watch all the time, much to my own displeasure. I'm a flop sweater, and having that watch on my wrist made me sweat even more. I can't tell you how many watchbands I went through because my sweat kept eroding them until they fell to pieces.

I thought I'd get around that by wearing a pocket watch instead. You know, on a chain. Holy shit, was that pretentious of me. That was also during the time that I took notes in college with a quill instead of a regular pen.

Look, watches for telling time are stupid, yet the human race loves wearing 'em. Remember back when everyone watched The Walking Dead? It was the hottest show on the planet, and yet I was the only person who ever mentioned Rick and the Governor wearing a watch. IN THE FUCKING ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

See?

It's harder to see here, but look at that shit!

Why the fuck would you need a watch during the zombie apocalypse? Do you have somewhere to be? Pills to take? There are only two times of day that matter in the zombie apocalypse: day and night. That's it.

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
HANDS DOWN, CORAL!

I guess that's the long way of saying I will never wear a watch again.