So here's something horrible that happened to me yesterday morning. I woke up two hours earlier than my alarm was supposed to go off. I wasn't sure why. Then, suddenly, my bad foot flared up with pain. I'm not talking about the usual neuropathy that comes with being diabetic. That feels like a needle getting stuck in your foot for one second, two max, and then it goes away for weeks. It sucks, but it's fast.
No, this felt like someone had put a railroad spike into the heel of my foot and kept it there. Then it went away. I felt relief and tried to go back to sleep only to feel it again a couple of minutes later. And that cycle continued for the next half-hour.
My bad foot is fat. Even if you knew nothing about me, you would know there was something wrong with it. I tried looking at it, trying to see if it looked any different, but it was hard to say. I thought maybe putting pressure on it would help, so I stood up for a while and still felt the intermittent pain.
This was it. I was hoping that this day would be somewhere far into the future. Perhaps it would be scheduled for sometime after my impeding fatal heart attack, which was what I was really hoping for. But it seemed like this was the day that I would go to the ER, and the doctors would tell me they would have to amputate.
I sat there on the edge of my bed thinking about calling into work and then going to the ER. A part of me thought maybe I was mistaken. Or perhaps I could keep on keeping on and ignore the pain. Or better yet, I could start drinking again and banish the pain that way. Booze usually did the trick. If I ignored it, maybe the bad news would never find me.
Finally I came to a compromise. I would go about my day and see if the pain kept flaring up. If it interfered with my ability to work, I would tell my supervisors and then go to the ER.
When I went downstairs I felt something crackling in my foot. I hoped it was the usual shit and not something new and worse. I felt pain. Then I made breakfast, and I still felt the pain. I brushed my teeth. I took my first shit of the day. And by the time I got out to my car I realized I hadn't felt the pain for a bit. I waited for it to come back, and it didn't. I drove to work and made it through the rest of my day without the pain.
Maybe it was just a new version of diabetic neuropathy? I don't know. I'm just glad it stopped happening. I still haven't felt it as of this moment, and I hope it stays that way.
Because this pain fucking sucked.
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