On Thursday of next week I get to have my first colonoscopy. I'm not thrilled. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm not a fan of things going in my butt. And yes, I've had things in my butt, so don't give me that don't-knock-it-till-you-tried-it bullshit.
I don't even like getting a finger back there when getting a blowjob. It only ever happened once, and it wilted me. I could not continue with the blowjob part. Ever since, I've made it clear that it's a boundary of mine that I will not allow to be crossed. Since I know how uncomfortable it is, I don't put things in other people's butts, either. I had a girlfriend once who wanted that, and I couldn't do it. I know a lot of guys might think I'm crazy for that, but I don't care.
One time I accidentally drank methadone (long story), and it bound me up so much I had to reach into my own asshole to pull out my rock hard shit. It felt like I was holding a sack of marbles. It was a lot more traumatizing that it sounds, and it sounds pretty fucking traumatizing.
When I was suffering from pancreatitis before anyone knew it was pancreatitis, a doctor stuck a finger up there to see if there was a blockage. It was so painful and startling that it felt like my eyes were going to pop out. And during the same period they had to give me an enema with some kind of fluid so they could see my insides on an MRI. If that wasn't bad enough, they told me I had to clench to keep it all in while they did the procedure. Fucking fuck that shit.
So yeah, I'm not happy with this brand new chapter in getting old. And yeah, I know they're going to knock me out. I take comfort in that. I've been knocked out for other procedures, and I know it's nothing like going to sleep. You blink, and when you open your eyes again, it's all done. It's like losing time. So I have that going for me.
While they have me under, they're also going to scope my throat. I hope they're using a different tool for that. Or, at the very least, I hope that they start with the throat and then go in the butt . . .
No comments:
Post a Comment